Don't Leave Me Like This!
When your doc retires and you feel more vulnerable than being left in stirrups while the office goes to lunch
I called to make an appointment with my ob/gyn. I’ve been with her for 22 years. We’re on a first name basis, which is maybe somewhat weird since she looks up my hooha with a miner’s light. But, we have history.
She’s been with me through miscarriage and fertility issues.
We’ve waddled through both of my pregnancies and my gazillion questions and fears.
Ironically, she wasn’t on call for either of my emergency deliveries, but she did a great job with my postpartum care and has always been there as a sounding board, source of information, and, dare I say sister in arms. She’s gentle and conversational. And she just retired without warning!!
This has shaken me. As if I didn’t already feel abandoned by the medical establishment as a middle-aged woman who seems to have to diagnose all her own issues, now I am actually being abandoned by a doctor I’d build a real relationship with.
First, hello, can you tell your patients you’re retiring? I mean, you’re one of the most important physicians I have, and the level of comfort I need to maintain with my gyno is not equivalent to how I show up with my allergist.
Second, what now?
I’m 51. Shit is going sideways around this body of mine. I need someone I can talk to about it—someone who’s been there for my youth and fertility and general baseline of health. I figured she and I had at least another 10 years together. She’s my age!
Unfortunately, now I’m on a quest.
Good luck to me in finding a menopause specialist.
I don’t need an OB anymore. The baby days are long gone. I don’t need to work with a practice that can pull humans from me 24/7/365. But, it seems there are no more (or very few) straight-up gynecologists in private practice anymore. At least not where I live.
Ask for one who is an expert in midlife care…the crickets will deafen you.
I called a practice called, wait for it, HER MD. Sounds awesome, right? An entire healthcare practice all about women, heavy focus on midlife. Yes, please!
Turns out, the doctors fly in from OHIO once a month! I don’t know about you, but when life starts life-ing, sometimes doctor’s appointments need to be rescheduled. I can’t possibly function in that narrow of a field.
When the doctors aren’t around, you’re seen by nurse practitioners. I have nothing against nurse practitioners, but they’re not doctors. There’s a reason for the distinction. If I’m coming in once a year, I want the doctor.
So, I remain on the hunt.
I have some misgivings about this whole process, partially because I’ve had ob/gyns who forget there are actual nerve endings where they’re sticking metal things with cranks. This is why I stopped seeing my last male ob/gyn. I was tempted to bend him over and shove that speculum in places it was never designed to enter.
But also I am aghast at the lack of depth most ob/gyns have about perimenopause, menopause, and later life gynecological care. I loathe the idea of starting a new relationship with a different doctor who I will soon come to find out has less knowledge about estrogen’s effects on my body than I do.
And the problem is, you don’t really get to interview them.
In my area, most doctors are paid employees of the corporate behemoths for which they work. These bureaucracies don’t allow discovery calls. There’s no, Hey, are my needs and values around my care compatible with your practice?, conversation. That’s a huge miss. They don’t want to give you a 15-minute touch-base, but they’ll let you have an unaligned experience you tell all your friends about. Makes no sense from a practice marketing perspective.
Considering these doctors’ offices are now run by bean counters, why can’t they be run more like businesses—where customer satisfaction is a priority because the acquisition cost of a new customer is higher than the cost of keeping a current customer happy?
Someday, when I run the world…
I’m just feeling ranty today. Between my ob/gyn retiring, my eye-doctor now being out of network (yes, another hoop to jump through) and Substack chasing Glennon Doyle off the platform because she was too successful… I’m ready for the weekend.
But, if you need a pick-me-up, I have one for you.
is one of the funniest mid-lifers I know. You have to read her recent piece. Pee beforehand.Xoxo
I launched something new for the writers among us!
Introducing… The Story Sparks Kit
Ignite your creativity each and every month
Blank pages, be gone!
If you love to write but struggle to start, the Story Sparks Kit is your monthly lifeline:
💡Smart, original writing prompts delivered every first Tuesday of the month
💌 A story jumpstart you can take and run with
🌟Pro tips and a dash of encouragement to keep you lit up
Whether you're a seasoned writer or just dabbling, my kit gives you the nudge and the know-how to get the words flowing.
👉 Sign up now and turn “I should write” into “I can’t stop writing!”
Our physician in Florida, Pawel Kalvinski, sent me for an x-ray after our doctor at home had ignored my symptoms for 3 and 1/2 months. I had pneumonia. I was 73. I could have died from it.
My wife had been suffering for 2 years from a variety of symptoms. Kalvinski looked for rheumatoid arthritis, which no one else had even mentioned.
That's what it was.
I had been suffering from bursitis in the right shoulder for 25 years. The man put a horse doctor's needle in the joint. I didn't feel a thing. A week later my pain was gone and 2 years later it has not come back.
He retired last year. Dang. Sure am going to miss him.
First, how did I not know this publication existed??
On the topic of doctors retiring, same thing happened to me last year. My GP, whom I've been with for over 15 years, retired. On my last visit, I was like, "Do we hug or....? I felt left out in the dark.
However, months later, I found a new doctor — a woman in her 40s. I admit I felt a wave of relief because at this stage (52 and heavily hot flashing), a woman in tune with other women is what I needed.